Monday, June 12, 2006

I Will Never Be Old Again

My mum is 55 today...I was old at 22. I have never been as old as I felt then with a two year old and the weight of trying to achieve what I thought was important to have - security. I thought for a moment that it came in a couple of well paid jobs and all the extras money could buy.

We spent two years handing our daughter either to each other at opposite shifts or to the childminder. We both gave our notice the same month both to the jobs and the childminder. I felt the weight lift from my shoulders.

At 27 I became the age that I had first known my mother to be. She was 27 and I was 10. And 27 was old to me because that was my mother's age. So when I hit 30 it didn't register really. And I expect 40 will be the same.

I look at my 18 year old daughter now sprawled out on the sofa having fallen asleep finally in this clammy weather and think, maybe I'll feel old when she turns 27.

I don't feel young either mind you...I stopped feeling young when my grandfather died. "The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.(A N Whitehead)" Maybe the secret to eternal life is not being touched by tragedy. Its not possible in this world.

I'm lucky I got to my teens...others aren't so lucky, they have to grow up much faster...they are the child labour, child soldiers or child prostitutes of the world and some don't even have the resources to get to live long enough to grow old.

Save the Children


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